How to think less – and decide better

How do you stop overthinking things?

“Overthinking is something that many of us struggle with, particularly when we face a difficult choice or a difficult decision that maybe we haven’t seen before or (are) really worried about making the wrong choice,” said Bidhan “Bobby” Parmar, the University of Virginia’s Shannon G. Smith Bicentennial Professor of Business Administration.

One of the brain’s defense mechanisms is to explore the problem repeatedly, “to make sure we’re not missing anything, not blindsided by anything,” he said.

Take the example of weighing a job offer in a different city.

Parmar said instead of constantly running the question around in your head, talk with others who can be helpful. Do you know someone who works at the company? Do you know someone who lives in the city? Do you know someone who has also taken a job in a new city?

Bidhan “Bobby” Parmar is the University of Virginia’s Shannon G. Smith Bicentennial Professor of Business Administration in the Darden School of Business. (Photo by Susan Parmar)

Seeking out those people and asking about their experiences can help you learn more about your options, your preferences, and what you might gain or miss when choosing whether to take that leap.

The keyword here, Parmar said, is “learn.” Ask yourself a question: “What am I learning from this?”

If the answer is, “Nothing new,” then it’s time to move to step two. “Now, it’s time for me to … move to another topic, versus when we get into that protection mode,” Parmar explained.

Learning doesn’t stop after you make your decision

“So, we’ve picked a major, or we’ve decided to move to City B instead of City A, or we just finished a negotiation for a job that we’re applying for, and we step back,” Parmar said. We end the deliberation in our mind.

That’s a mistake that squelches growth. He recommends an “after-action review.”

“An ‘after-action review’ is a tool started by the military and then used in lots of different organizations, from hospitals to tech companies, where we ask ourselves four questions,” the professor said.

First, ask yourself what you expected would happen. “So, I decided to be a sociology major, and I thought that I would love every class,” he offered as an example.

Then ask yourself, “What actually happened?”

Say you loved most of your classes but had a hard time with two. “The third question, then, is ‘Why?’ Your answer could be that sociology is a big field and you’ve identified a specialty that appeals to you. The fourth and final question is, ‘What will I do differently next time?’

“Maybe that means I spend more time on the specialty that I am really engaged in, or I find friends or mentors who can help me get up to speed on this other part of sociology that I might not feel as comfortable with,” Parmar said.

Taking those extra steps after making big decisions positions people to grow, evolve and get better at tackling the big question marks in life, instead of getting caught in unproductive overthinking.

This article first appeared in UVA Today.